Well, I had definitely not meant to leave it so long before writing again but I’ve been suffering from writer’s block! I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time, all I knew was that for some unknown reason I just couldn’t seem to get down on paper (well, technically, on screen, but that doesn’t sound so writerly!) the grand piece I’d been planning about the demonisation of teenagers and Mosquitoes (intriguing huh?! All will be revealed in later instalments) as a follow-up to my first posting.

Then, the other day, whilst struggling yet again to try to get on with it, it dawned on me in one of those flashy moments of seemingly divine wisdom, when you wonder suddenly how you could have been so dense, that I’d got so attached to this particular idea of what I was going to write that I was completely overlooking the completely obvious thing to write about!

Part of the reason for this, I have to tell you, is that I thought that if I wrote about what was really going on people would be sure to think I’d made it up…..here’s this woman, just started a blog about single parenting teenagers and how convenient and how wonderfully dramatic, her daughter just happens to be suddenly pregnant! Yes, that’s right, pregnant, my just-turned 17 year old daughter is pregnant, shock, horror…..well, not now but we have had our fair share of shock and horror moments these last few weeks.

But no word of a lie, that, in a nutshell, is what’s really been going on in my life – my lovely daughter has kindly presented me with some fabulously dramatic material! So, in my moment of God-given insight, it was clear that this is what I should be writing about, especially as I’d pledged to be honest, and from then on the creative juices have been abundantly flowing.

So at this point, a few more details of the story, although it will still be a very long story cut short.

The plot:
Daughter (16) announces she is pregnant. Surprise (and maybe a bit of shock and horror) from everyone (except me, her very perceptive mother, of course). After some thought Daughter decides to have a termination (Boyfriend’s influence). The night before Dad tells her he’s been a lousy father and that he wants to be better and he will be there for her. Daughter (and Dad and Boyfriend) arrives at hospital 8.00am, speaks to nurse, leaves 8.05am and goes home. Mum very happy (always knew it wasn’t what she wanted). Boyfriend comes round to the idea. Dad tells her to leave home by end of following month. Daughter upset, Mum happy because Daughter will have to come and live with her. Daughter goes to Boyfriend’s house for the weekend. Comes home and Dad’s girlfriend tells her she has 30minutes to pack her things and leave! General chaos and upset – much anger from Yours Truly. Daughter comes to live with Mum. Week later Boyfriend comes to join her. Boyfriend decides he doesn’t like city where Mum lives. Boyfriend finds flat in town they’ve come from (Mum unhappy). 17 year old Daughter living independently in flat with Boyfriend (Daughter scared but brave, Mum anxious, NO contact from Dad).

That’s the general plot and pretty much where we are now. There are various sub-plots running through it, the two main ones being that her dad has a new girlfriend who moved in only 3 months ago with 2 children, and the fact that Sarah has wanted a baby of her own since she was about 5. It’s the first of these which has caused most of the trouble and upset, but the second one I particularly want to talk about at the moment.

It’s lovely that she really wants the baby but she is only 17. And there are many people who would say that that is exactly what makes it not right.

Teenage pregnancy is a bit of a hot topic at the moment. Barack Obama is dealing with the fact that the USA has the highest level of teenage pregnancy in the world despite millions of dollars that were pumped into supporting President Bush’s abstinence programmes which clearly didn’t work. Britain has the highest level of teenage pregnancy in Europe. A £6m government programme aimed at reducing teenage pregnancy through education and support hit the news last week when it was reported that research showed that young women taking part in the programme were significantly more likely to get pregnant. Clearly neither of these quite different approaches worked.

So what is the answer? Why are so many teenage girls getting pregnant? Well, I can’t answer for the bulk of teenagers but I do know why Sarah got pregnant. It’s really a combination of 3 things:
1) She was sexually active (obvious really)
2) She didn’t get on with any of the contraception methods she tried (and she tried most of them)
3) And most importantly, as I said, she’s been mad about babies as long as I can remember

Number 2 is a whole issue in itself, the unsatisfactory nature of available contraception. It’s the last one I want to focus on. At the last minute Sarah was able to be true to herself and made a clear choice and I’m proud of her for that. I think a lot of people would find that a surprising view to have. Surely teenage pregnancy is bad, nothing to be proud of! I ran a teenage parents project a few years back and that experience convinced me that most of the ‘problem’ with teenage parenthood is simply that we’ve made it a problem.

A young woman is biologically able to procreate from the onset of puberty and it is those biological changes in a woman’s body which generate the urge to have a baby, what we generally call broodiness. Yet we think it is ok for a 36 year old woman to feel broody, but not a 16 year old? Why is that? Because our cultural norms tell us so. Our cultural norms tell us that a young woman shouldn’t feel broody until she is at least 20 and probably not even then. What is the magic age after which it is ok? And when are we going to tell our bodies? Consequently, Sarah couldn’t be honest about her broodiness even to herself in case it was frowned upon.

During my years at the teenage parents’ project many young parents crossed my path, some were lousy parents, some were ok parents and some were great parents – in the grand scheme of parenting nothing unusual there, I think we’d all agree. Teenage pregnancy good? Teenage pregnancy bad? You know what? Nothing’s ever quite that simple.